It’s been one of those days where life continues to catch up with me – the side of life that is comprised of this eating disorder parasite. While doing another follow up with the doctor this morning, and doing another round of blood work and urinalysis; it’s confirmed my kidney’s are damaged. Now comes the part where I need to figure out a treatment plan with my family physician. Trouble is, my doctor lives on the other side of the country. I need to find one here in Halifax, it was LECTURED into my skull today by the on-call doctor at the clinic? Why? Because this is not a small hiccup I can overcome. This is a long term process I will be needing guidance over for a very, very long time.
Rather than pouting about the situation to which I let my body collapse into; I’ve decided to see the silver lining. Since this all began a few weeks ago, I’ve been learning to hear my body, to feel it, and to reconnect with those moments in my past where I felt happiness and strength. Perhaps this “bad” needed to happen so I could pull myself out of this tailspin once and for all…
Currently I am laying in bed watching Jaws – the best movie of my life. Best movie ever made in my opinion. I can recall watching this classic way back when I was about 6 years-old. Had the video game for the original NES system too. It’s amazing how happy this film makes me. So. Being the loving boyfriend that he is, my man went out and got me the marathon of shark-feasting-human-slaughter-fest. It’s bliss.
BEFORE I FORGET!!! Nah, who am I kidding, I couldn’t forget such a post as this to which I am about to decree. Those photos you see are of some of The Hidden Agenda Project swag produced by my good friend Kris Kupskay. A graffiti slasher who stomps back in Maple Ridge, BC; he is talented with the can, wizard with the paint brush, and loyal lover to the undead genre. I had the fortune of meeting Mr. Kupskay back when I was a junior reporter in Squamish, BC. Since then we have kept in contact and pushed each other to branch out creatively and try new things. He’s an inspiration and a momentum for myself to recover from this disorder. Can’t let him be the only one stomping around having all the fun 
I’ve been getting a lot of emails asking about the RAD attire I kick with the zombies on, and well, it’s all his. All his designs, all his companies, all his talents. If you’re ever romping through BC you’ll come across one of the thousands of murals by Kups. Ya, he is just that rabid. If you’re interested in his clothes (some of these shirts glow in the dark! And yes, I do love my glowing zombie shirt…shut up) then I suggest hitting up his website….The Hidden Agenda Project. Attn: Kris Kupskay. Or as I call him: Captain Fantastic…
I was honestly going to ask if Kups was your version of our UPS. WOW. It's been a rough past few weeks. SO I'm wondering how many in your fan/follower base actually know what the fuck a NES is
LMAO. Forget vinyl or a cassette player. Anyhow. My tooth is throbbing right now causing me the inability to concentrate. Oh loads of love. Heading to Captain Fantastics webpage… sure J would love it.
Hi Ribbon, I just read everything in one sitting and I am exhausted. I peeked in every once in a while but was too afraid to open my soul to your pain, too scared of what might be happening to you, too coward to just be there. And then somebody posted on DS today that you were dying and I was hit with shock, disbelief, anger and grief all at once. So I had to come and see. And while the "bad" has happened, I also see your determination to fight for the "good". And you will not die, you will take your strength and choose life.
I will be by your side, love Karin
Hey Karin,
IF anything, this is showing me that while we become consumed with our disorders, we neglect to FEEL and see how much damage we are doing to our bodies until it finally "happens." I could lay down and give in, or I can try to re-group and motivate others to see a way out of their disorders. So I choose to hold onto strength and pull out of this nose dive. Fight will always be here with me, no stopping that, and lord knows I am too stubborn to let this body stop pushing on!!
Thanks for your kind words and support. Not dying just yet – and I am surprised people on DS still know me! I thought you all would have forgotten me by now
Don't be afraid for me, just smile and know I'm going to be here for a long time no matter what, and always willing to help and listen when I can.
Blues – I wondered how many people would know what an NES was. I still have that system. And a SEGA. Word. I put some of KUPS treats in a care package for you here. You'll love me just a bit more…
I'm so happy that you are alive and kicking and you sound like you are in a pretty good place as far as your emotions go. Keep it up!
That makes me feel better, hearing that you are going to go strong and get better. Truthfully (when you told me what's happening and why you weren't making it to class) I know you don't want to hear it, but I cried.
I've only known you for, what five months now? Either way, I want to be your friend for a longer time period (badly phrased but you get the point). I know I'm going to start sounding like a broken record, if you need anything I'm here for you.
I enjoy your writing style really enjoying this website. “In Washington, it’s dog eat dog. In academia, it’s exactly the opposite.” by Robert Reich.